Dating Can We Be More Than Friends |
18.04.06 |
She walks into the room and your heart begins to pound. You get so dizzy you can’t think straight. Problem is she thinks of you as an older brother.
Man, it sucks! You’re the first person she runs to when she needs help. She cries on your shoulder every time there’s a problem with her boyfriend; but in the end, even after they split up, you might as well be an invisible man.
First off, guys, have you told her how you feel? Have you tried asking her out on a date? How will she ever think you’re a match if you don’t say anything? She isn’t a mind reader you know. You may be so good at projecting your brotherly image that she can’t see you as anything but family.
You can be a good friend without her seeing you as kin. Unfortunately, you somehow missed the mark and became too familiar. She’ll need to see you in a different light before she can see you as something more.
Second, do you really want to risk losing your friendship? Let’s face it, once lovers, never just friends. Too much intimate knowledge can be a bad thing. You never see the person just the way they are. It tends to color one’s perception of people, no matter how we try not to let it. Are you prepared to lose the closeness you have if the relationship doesn’t work out?
It’s actually possible that at some point she wondered about havig a relationship with you. Typically though, most women won’t act on those feelings. You’d need to make the first move. There is no guarantee that she will feel the same.
Sign This |
17.04.06 |
It’s quite common nowadays to have a prenuptial agreement, more commonly known as a prenup. Think of all the work that you put into getting to where you are, to be able to have what you do; then in one fell swoop, should your marriage fail, someone else, enjoys the benefits. If you have worked hard to accumulate assets and don’t want to lose everything if your marriage falls apart (heaven forbid!), it makes sense to protect your property.
The romantic or idealist would cry out in protest, “what ever happened to what I have is yours? What about trust? Isn’t it supposed to be shared?”. Those are wonderful ideals but we live in a fear ridden society. We have learned to take care of ourselves, just in case you we do become a statistic, even when we do find our match.
Don’t spring the prenup on your bride or groom just a week before the wedding. If you are truly a friend, as well as their partner, you owe it to them to let them know as early as possible. Give them the chance to adjust to the knowledge as early as possible, and decide for themselves if they are willing to accept you on those terms. They might have terms to give you in exchange. Just an idea, if you tell them while you’re still dating, you might just drive the gold diggers away.
It would also be easier on both of you if the terms of the prenup were at least considerate of your partner as well. There was an episode in CSI: Miami where this billionaire had his wife sign a prenup that gave her more money for every year they stayed together. Isn’t that sweet?
Keep in mind that a prenup is a double edged sword. It can protect you but drive your loved one away. Is it worth it? Only you can decide.
Give Me A Reason |
16.04.06 |
Why should you get married to someone? Is it enough to say because I enjoy her company and we make each other laugh? The more your mind fuzzes over when you think of this person you think is special, the more you need to think with your mind, not your heart. Some things to avoid are:
- Getting married because a baby is on the way. In this day and age, the issue of in or out of wedlock is not such a stigma. It is worse for the child if you marry and divorce. Why make three of you unhappy?
- Getting married just for companionship. If you’re lonely keep dating, make lots of friends or have a pet. The truth is no one is permanently there. Everyone will come to the end of their lifetime. Isn’t it better to find someone to whom you are the sun and not just the travelling companion?
- He’ll give me what I want. Monetary and physical attributes aren’t the only things in life. While they play a role in your relationship, there is much more to a marriage than wealth and passion. Don’t settle for just the creature comforts.
- Getting married because it’s your duty or obligation. Whether it’s to continue the family line or because of some will written up by some lawyers, in the end, you will have to live with this person. Respect is good but it sure makes for a cold bed.
Bottom line: marry because you have found someone with whom you can build a lifetime of great memories. Look for someone with whom you can look into each other’s eyes and have a whole conversation. Find the one to whom you are not just a fairytale figure or a source of income. Make sure you are also true, then you’ll have a shot at making a marriage work.
